October is the “Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month” in the United States. I wonder why here in this part of the world, we don’t have ever commemorate or even set aside days like that…too pragmatic perhaps with no room (and time) for sentimentality. Here, pregnancy and infant loss is very much a taboo affair. People will offer some sympathy when it happens (“Oh you poor thing”) but then very quickly expect you to ‘snap out of it’ and return to normal programming the next day.
Friday 10 October is our firstborn, Nathaniel’s 10th birthday and also 10th angel anniversary. Yes, on 10.10 10 years ago, Nathaniel whom we conceived via IVF, was delivered stillborn as a result of unexplained pre-term rupture of membranes (PPROM). It’s a private grief we share, a bitter loss that we won’t even wish on our worst enemies and a sheared-off, searing pain we bear till our last breath. Sometimes even our spouses cannot fathom the depths of our anguish, much less our friends and family. After Nat was born, we ordered an autopsy but the report came back inconclusive. There was nothing wrong with him medically…It was Mommy’s womb who had failed him…We may be blessed with two beautiful children now but it does not negate the fact that I am a Mom of 3 angels in Heaven – Nat first then his twin younger siblings Joash and Ashley. A close friend knew that Nat’s anniversary is approaching and shared this Huffpost Parents article with me.
I realize that child loss is an incredibly difficult thing to talk about, especially for people who are blissfully unaware that thousands of U.S. families lose their babies every year. But, just because I realize that it’s hard for other people, doesn’t make it any easier on me. It hurts when our son is not acknowledged or spoken of…It hurts when our tragic loss is brushed over…
On the surface, my family looks perfect. My husband and I are healthy, and we have a vibrant, healthy toddler. Our years of infertility, our miscarriage and the death of our firstborn son are all invisible. There are thousands of families who share our story. It’s very likely that you know a family who’s lost a child… you just might not know about their loss…
Read the full article here.
How true that even life’s most amazing blessings — another child, a loving, nurturing partner and all the happiness in the world — can never replace the children we’ve lost. Nathaniel is not physically with us, but he is always with us. He is our firstborn; we are always his parents. Nothing can ever change that — not death, not the passage of time, and certainly not anyone’s ignorance. We are incredibly blessed to be your parents Nathaniel.
Happy 10th Birthday Son, to where you are. We love you and we miss you…
When friends rally with us in #rememberingNat, it validates our loss and makes the anniversary a little easier…
Join us in #rememberingNat by lighting a tea-light or candle in his loving memory…
Huge hugs, Angie. My heart really ached as I read this, and I hope you know that we will all remember Nat and his younger siblings with you. We lit a candle this evening for him, and will do so every year.
I agree with you.. When a baby born sleeping, to some people (incl. family members), he or she ceases to exist and they practically stop talking about the baby with the hope that the parents would forget about this forever. Truth is, we won’t forget these angels.
Happy 10th birthday, Nat. God bless.
Madeline Heng says
You are so strong angie, I really admire your strength and courage. It’s not that people brush it aside, sometimes we don’t know what to say. What is appropriate to say to someone who has lost someone so dear. I don’t even think I can ever even try to imagine the pain of losing a child. Even saying “I feel sorry for your lost” does not seem to express it enough to me. Joining you to remember ur son Nat, who is having a great time in the arms of God in heaven 🙂
Happy birthday Nat… you are so blessed and loved.
You are just so so brave…
Nat you a blessed child to have such devoted parents. Pass this love around wherever you are!
You’ll always be remembered and loved Nat. Thank you for sharing your lives so honestly and opening your wounds again to pay a tribute to dear Nat. You are amazing and strong parents. Stay strong Angie and David.
Dont blame yourselves. Grow strong in the Lord. HE knows your hearts better. Give your pain to HIM.