I am sure every one has read or heard of this book at one time or another. According to Dr. Gary Chapman (author of the book), everyone of us (children included) has a “Love Language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love.
For example: If your child is having difficulty to adjust to a new change (such as change of school, new teacher or new domestic help), and his love language is Words of Affirmation. It wouldn’t help if you bring him to a toy store to buy him a new set of bay-blade or lego blocks in a bid to cheer him up. The gift can distract him for a while, but it’s not going to improve his well-being.
Similarly, if a Spouse whose love language is Quality Time complains that he’s feeling displaced by your copious amount of time spent online and you try to placate him by ordering a new shirt, book or the latest gadget from Amazon, even cook him new dishes from our Foodie Friday Linkys. These may be sweet gestures, but will not actually be addressing your Spouse’s needs.
What are the 5 Love languages?
1.Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
2. Quality Time
For someone whose love language is Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
3. Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous.
4. Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors and helping to bathe the kids really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.”
5. Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love.
Having refreshed our minds on the types of Love Languages, Daddy and I sat Dana down last Friday evening to take the The results came as a surprise: We had assumed Dana’s primary Love Language would be ‘Words of Affirmation’ (at least that’s what we give her in huge doses everyday) but it was ranked the lowest in her results! Our daughter actually prefers to be shown love through receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch and quality time over words of affirmation…Admittedly, this was a shocking relevation (Receiving Gifts? Gasp! Does it mean we have to buy her a gift everyday? Will she grow up materialistic?!), we decided to probe Dana a bit further to understand the motivation behind her answers. To our relief, we found out that she’s not after the presents and gifts themselves but the fun and element of surprise in recieving gifts. The results have certainly helped us understand our daughter a bit more and even prompted discussions on how we can capitalise on her Love Languages in our family interactions.
If you have not done this assessment with your children, you ought to! Take the quiz and discover their Love Languages today. It really is that easy! I would also highly recommend you discover your own Love Languages and those of your Spouses. The results may be predictable (or a surprise, as in our case) but a good grasp of the Love Languages will go a long way to cement your relationships. For those who wish to get your hand on a copy of the book, I’ve done a search on National Library Board’s catalogue listing here.
Cool! I see that you all had a great time taking the quiz and understanding little girl’s love language better. 🙂
Thank you for sharing and linking up! You’ve just prompted me to sit down and do the quiz with my younger boy. 😉
Thanks for sharing! I did something similar with H, but never thought to try it with Roo.
Definitely something worthwhile to do… especially because the little ones become more complex as they grow up. 🙂
Jasmine Koh says
You wrote a really thorough post. I did it with both my sons even though I wasn’t sure if the 3 year old completely understood. Will try it again when he is 5 🙂
I’m going to bookmark this and do it with Sophie when she’s a little older. I’m guessing for now that she’s one who likes words of affirmation as she’s always beaming when we praise her.