I am sure every one has read or heard of this book at one time or another. According to Dr. Gary Chapman (author of the book), everyone of us (children included) has a “Love Language,” a primary way of expressing and interpreting love.
A fellow Mommy blogger Rachel shared a useful Online Assessment with us recently. It is very important for us to know what our spouses, friends, and children’s Love Languages are so we can lessen conflicts arising from misalignment of expectations and miscommunication. I have read the 5 Love Languages Book many years ago but it has never crossed my mind to discover Dana’s love languages till Rachel’s post. Knowing our children’s love languages will enable us to fill up their ‘Love Tanks’ daily, foster deeper parent-child bonding and help us relate to their interpretations of the world better.
For example: If your child is having difficulty to adjust to a new change (such as change of school, new teacher or new domestic help), and his love language is Words of Affirmation. It wouldn’t help if you bring him to a toy store to buy him a new set of bay-blade or lego blocks in a bid to cheer him up. The gift can distract him for a while, but it’s not going to improve his well-being.
Similarly, if a Spouse whose love language is Quality Time complains that he’s feeling displaced by your copious amount of time spent online and you try to placate him by ordering a new shirt, book or the latest gadget from Amazon, even cook him new dishes from our Foodie Friday Linkys. These may be sweet gestures, but will not actually be addressing your Spouse’s needs.
1.Words of Affirmation Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
2. Quality Time For someone whose love language is Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
3. Receiving Gifts Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous.
4. Acts of Service Can vacuuming the floors and helping to bathe the kids really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.”
5. Physical Touch This language isn’t all about the bedroom. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love.
Having refreshed our minds on the types of Love Languages, Daddy and I sat Dana down last Friday evening to take the The results came as a surprise: We had assumed Dana’s primary Love Language would be ‘Words of Affirmation’ (at least that’s what we give her in huge doses everyday) but it was ranked the lowest in her results! Our daughter actually prefers to be shown love through receiving gifts, acts of service, physical touch and quality time over words of affirmation…Admittedly, this was a shocking relevation (Receiving Gifts? Gasp! Does it mean we have to buy her a gift everyday? Will she grow up materialistic?!), we decided to probe Dana a bit further to understand the motivation behind her answers. To our relief, we found out that she’s not after the presents and gifts themselves but the fun and element of surprise in recieving gifts. The results have certainly helped us understand our daughter a bit more and even prompted discussions on how we can capitalise on her Love Languages in our family interactions.
If you have not done this assessment with your children, you ought to! Take the quiz and discover their Love Languages today. It really is that easy! I would also highly recommend you discover your own Love Languages and those of your Spouses. The results may be predictable (or a surprise, as in our case) but a good grasp of the Love Languages will go a long way to cement your relationships. For those who wish to get your hand on a copy of the book, I’ve done a search on National Library Board’s catalogue listing here.
What is your child’s highest scoring (primary) love language? Do you agree with the results? Do you think that love is the most important thing in the world?