{"id":392,"date":"2013-03-22T22:00:00","date_gmt":"2013-03-22T14:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/2013\/03\/22\/a-birthday-wish-i-wish-i-can-fulfill\/"},"modified":"2015-03-05T14:30:40","modified_gmt":"2015-03-05T06:30:40","slug":"a-birthday-wish-i-wish-i-can-fulfill","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/2013\/03\/a-birthday-wish-i-wish-i-can-fulfill\/","title":{"rendered":"A Birthday Wish I wish I can Fulfill…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Dana’s 5th Birthday is soon approaching…If anyone asked what her birthday wish is, she would give this same resolute reply, ‘I wish for a baby brother or a baby sister…All my classmates have Didi or Meimei…I wish I can have one too…”<\/p>\n

Each time I hear Dana make such a request, a heavy feeling would weigh upon my heart. I wish she would wish for anything else – new toys, new books, a trip to Legoland perhaps, or a new shoes, new clothes, anything else under the Sun, if it’s within my means, I would…but a sibling? It’s a Birthday wish I seriously doubt I will be able to fulfill.<\/p>\n

You see, around nine out of ten healthy couples trying for a baby will conceive within a year. However, one in ten will not – and these couples are either sub fertile or infertile.  Sad to say, I belong to the latter. After several miscarriages in early year of our marriage, we sought assisted conception treatments because the hubs and I knew from the start that it was our only hope if we want to be parents.<\/p>\n

We started with non-invasive prescription fertility drugs like Clomid, to mildly invasive interventions like the Intracytoplasmic Sperm Injection (ICSI) before progressing to the totally invasive In-Vitro Fertilisation (IVF).  Before we embarked on IVF, I underwent an investigative laparascopy to check the working conditions of my fallopian tubes (which by the way hurts quite a bit). When my Gynae gave the green light, we sought our Pastor’s blessing and I started the IVF journey at 28 years old.<\/p>\n

In IVF,  the first phase of treatment required my ovaries to be stimulated to produce more than one egg per cycle. This involves hormone injections every morning for two weeks, followed by day and night jabs over the next fortnight. I had to grit my teeth to overcome my fear of needles and allowed the hub to administer these jabs for me.  It was painful for me as for him, to see his wife go through these invasive procedures just to bear him a child.<\/p>\n

Fortunately, in my 1st cycle, my Gynae successfully harvested 8 good eggs trans-vaginally using a fine needle under the guidance of ultrasound images.  He then fertilized 2 of the best eggs with the hub’s sperm in a culture dish and transferred the resulting 2 embryos into my womb the next morning.<\/p>\n

After an anxious two weeks’ wait, HcG blood tests confirmed I was pregnant with twins and we were overjoyed.  The hubs even nicknamed the two embryos ‘Coca and Cola’. However, our joy was to be short lived. At our first ultrasound scan, one embryo had stopped growing at 8 weeks gestation. We were told we need not do anything as it will be re-absorbed into the body.<\/p>\n

I was given weekly doses of progesterone injections to secure the other precious embryo.  Our world crashed when my waterbag ruptured prematurely in my 22nd week of pregnancy when I was teaching.  I was rushed to NUH where I delivered my firstborn baby boy Nathaniel in the ward.  During the delivery, I suffered from massive blood loss and a retained placenta. The doctors ordered an Emergency D&C plus blood transfusion.  Amidst all the trauma and shock, the hubs made the painful decision to let the hospital staff settle Nat’s remains on our behalf.  In doing so, we never had the chance to bade him a formal farewell which we regretted to this day…<\/p>\n

Two years passed, we mustered enough courage (and saved up enough money) to try for a second IVF cycle. Any couple undergoing assisted fertility treatments would know it’s by no means a cheap affair.  This time, 3 of my frozen eggs were successfully fertilized and transferred to my womb. Pregnancy test results again came back positive (to our great delight) and initial stages of my pregnancy seem to be progressing textbook perfect.  The ultrasound scans even revealed that we were expecting a son and a daughter!  Due to my history of pre-term labour, we decided to seek medical advice from not one but two top IVF Obstetrician Gynecologists in Singapore after I crossed my first trimester.  Perhaps we were faithless but all we hoped for was for the twins to receive the best medical attention in the event of another premature delivery.<\/div>\n
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They said lightning never strike twice but for us, it did with a vengeance.  One nondescript Monday morning, I experienced the sickeningly familiar strong contractions at work and had a bad premonition.  I rushed myself to the hospital only to receive a bad prognosis \u2013 my amniotic sac was sagging and my cervix had already dilated.  Close friends and loved ones rallied with intercessory prayers round-the-clock as I underwent two Emergency operations within 24 hours of admission. The team of senior consultants and specialists was not able to perform the miracle which we so desperately needed.<\/div>\n
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Our twin boy, Joash, was delivered stillborn at 18 weeks gestation. We  grieved at the passing of our second baby but pulled ourselves together for the sake of the surviving baby girl (whom we named Ashley Joy) as doctors assured us she still had a fighting chance of full term delivery.  I was intoxicated daily with a whole cocktail of antibiotics and other drugs to ensure this pregnancy would continue without further complications. I was a prisoner to my bed in KKH Ward 44 for 60 days as doctors put me on CRIB (Complete Rest in Bed).<\/div>\n
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The hubs slept on the hospital floor (on a sleeping bag) every night just to keep me company in this long dark period.  He would go to work and come back from work straight to the ward. That was his way of giving me moral and emotional support. We sang, prayed and read bible stories to the unborn Baby Ashley every night. When she finally crossed 24 weeks\u2019 gestation, we quietly heaved a sigh of relief…Every week that passed was a victory as it meant another leap in survival rate for the baby.  The longer she remained in mummy\u2019s womb, the better it would be.<\/div>\n
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Life dealt us another cruel blow when I started experiencing contractions in my 25th week of pregnancy.  At this stage, the baby only had 50% viability of survival but the monitors were picking up signs of distress from her heartbeat.  Doctors advised us to deliver her immediately through an Emergency C-section.  I fought back my tears as I endured my second spinal epidural in barely 6 weeks after delivering Joash.  All I could think of was to deliver Ashley safely, the pain didn’t mattter.<\/div>\n
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On 3 June, Baby Ashley was born alive at KKH at 3:45pm. She scored a healthy 7.5 on the APGAR scale but was immediately wheeled to the NICU where she was hooked to all sorts of life support machines due to her severe prematurity.  Ashley\u2019s condition deteriorated rapidly in the NICU and passed away due to brain haemorrhage the next day…merely 36 hours after she was born.  I was crushed, physically, emotionally, mentally…spiritually.  My body was so weakened by the double pregnancy losses that I battled Septicemia (bacteria blood poisoning) in the ward for 4 more weeks before I was declared fit for discharge. By then, my tears have run dry…On the day of Ashley’s funeral, the doctors granted me few hours of hospital leave and the hubs wheeled me to send her off in a wheelchair loaned from the hospital…I was a wretched sight…<\/div>\n
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We left the hospital with empty arms, wounded hearts, boasting an infected C-section wound across my abdomen as my battle scar. We sought solace was in the fact there we were able to give the twins proper send-offs through separate memorial services and cremation ceremonies.  We also had a lovely niche done up at Mandai Columbarium for all 3 of them.   On Ashley’s 100th Angel Day, we channelled our grief into strength by making a donation to Andrew & Grace Home (a Christian refuge for troubled teens) to fund the Home\u2019s participation in the World Vision ’07 Marathon in Krabi.  Pastor Andrew even went the extra mile to name the run after baby Ashley.  We never knew why God chose to take all 3 of them home but we could only trust and obey…<\/div>\n
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The breakthrough came in 2008 when God blessed us with our very own beautiful daughter Dana.  Our journey to parenthood plunged us to the valleys and took us a painful 9 long years before we see the light…But the trials taught us to number our days and count our blessings; the tribulations drew us closer as a couple and prepared our hearts to love one another and our child unconditionally.  Our faith was tested like fire but it came forth refined as gold.<\/div>\n
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At time of writing, I have no more frozen eggs in the labs and we have no intentions to embark on any fresh IVF cycles (due to age-related higher pregnancy risks). I feel a tinge of sadness that I would not be able to grant Dana her birthday wish but I pray God would surround her with many good friends in her growing up years so she will never feel lonely at not having a sibling.<\/div>\n
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Linking up with Catch Forty Wink’s<\/a><\/i><\/div>\n
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Many of you may have experienced or are still experiencing various trials and tribulations that are likely be more dramatic, heartbreaking and challenging. How have these TnTs changed or moulded you into the person you have become and what life lessons has it taught you along the way?  Do link up and share your TnT stories in your blog!<\/i><\/p>\n

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Dana’s 5th Birthday is soon approaching…If anyone asked what her birthday wish is, she would give this same resolute reply, ‘I wish for a baby brother or a baby sister…All my classmates have Didi or Meimei…I wish I can have one too…” Each time I hear Dana make such a request, a heavy feeling would […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[62,17,175],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p59hHF-6k","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/392"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=392"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/392\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":13896,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/392\/revisions\/13896"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=392"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=392"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=392"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}