{"id":12234,"date":"2015-01-19T09:38:43","date_gmt":"2015-01-19T01:38:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/?p=12234"},"modified":"2015-03-05T14:06:25","modified_gmt":"2015-03-05T06:06:25","slug":"helping-your-children-discover-themselves","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/2015\/01\/helping-your-children-discover-themselves\/","title":{"rendered":"The strengths in our stars – helping your children discover themselves"},"content":{"rendered":"

“Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name.<\/em>\u201d Isaiah 40:26 (NIV)<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\"Danabedtimedevotional\"<\/p>\n

Photo Credit<\/a><\/p>\n

\u201c Daddy, what\u2019s special about me? Do I have talents?\u201d the\u00a0daughter asked.<\/p>\n

Now that the daughter has started Primary 1 proper,\u00a0the entire family has made significant\u00a0lifestyle changes to go\u00a0to bed rather early. So imagine my surprise when I was asked the above question by the inquisitive daughter at bedtime last week\u00a0(thanks to\u00a0the\u00a0devotional book<\/a><\/strong> which we were reading which elaborated on the verse above). The devotion expounded that God created us and knows each of us intimately; that God has a special plan for each of us and has put in each of us special talents, which set the girl thinking.<\/p>\n

Though my mind was already half-asleep, the coincidental timing of the question jolted\u00a0me up. Particularly so since the wife\u00a0and I are still in the midst of sorting out\u00a0our routines\u00a0which involves prioritizing of her activities now that she has her school time table\u00a0and CCAs to contend with.<\/p>\n

It also didn’t help that our daughter has passed the selection trial for the school\u2019s gym team and was extremely\u00a0excited to start training. However, after we received\u00a0the training schedule (3 hours per session, 3 sessions\u00a0weekly), we conducted\u00a0our first serious \u2018parent conference\u2019 among husband and wife where we aligned our views on\u00a0how much time should be devoted to CCAs at this\u00a0age;\u00a0about what she liked versus what we would like her to pursue etc…All of these well within the first 2 weeks of her primary school life! As we would like to\u00a0take into account the daughter’s preference in our decision making,\u00a0we held a mini family conference where we had a good chat before coming\u00a0to a consensus\u00a0why it would be better off that she\u00a0rejects the invitation to the gym team. That, being the\u00a0first exercise in making a difficult choice\u2026where she willed herself to\u00a0follow the head instead of the heart obediently, as\u00a0a young six\u00a0year old!<\/p>\n

This episode came as\u00a0a stark reminder to me that our\u00a0daughter\u2019s journey in the education system is one that is far MORE\u00a0than just doing well in academia. It is very much part of her journey of self-discovery and\u00a0as her parents, it is our duty\u00a0and obligation to\u00a0guide her along without being\u00a0hijacked by\u00a0our own ambitions and plans for her (said easier than done!).<\/p>\n

On this note, I could almost hear my own mother\u2019s voice saying, \u201c Next time when you become a parent, you will know\u2026 It\u2019s my money, so study what I tell you\u00a0to!\u201d This was in response to my protest of having to study accounting instead of taking up\u00a0a scholarship to pursue music. I hope I won\u2019t substitute my mum\u2019s voice with my own in years to come. We shall see.<\/p>\n

It is a tough call for every parent. Whatever your beliefs, every parent aspires for\u00a0their children to discover their own talents and find their own footing\u00a0in the\u00a0society eventually. But how much do we intervene? How do we tread the fine balance between letting our children discover what they\u00a0can become instead of what we\u00a0would like them\u00a0to\u00a0become?<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve decided to pen my thoughts down, interestingly, for the future me (which I think I will need). Rather than fill my daughter’s days with tons of ‘legitimate’ and enticing\u00a0E<\/strong>nrichment, I will endeavor to make time and space for these other\u00a0\u2018E<\/strong>\u2019s instead:<\/p>\n

Engagement:<\/strong> We are parents. We are not drivers nor minders (nor monthly fee payers). But sadly, sometimes we relegate ourselves to those positions. Do the enrichment activities which we enroll our children rob us of time as parent and child\u00a0or\u00a0as a family? While the swim coach or the maths tutor may teach them the required skills to excel in that\u00a0specific disciplines, let us remember that it is we\u00a0parents who need to ground them in kinship, self-esteem, self-acceptance and\u00a0godly character,\u00a0regardless if they are the school\u2019s star swimmer or\u00a0best junior gymnast.<\/p>\n

Empowerment:<\/strong>\u00a0Instead of investing their time heavily in the\u00a0honing very specific skills (with the aim to ace exams or win championships), we can channel that time fruitfully to equip them with\u00a0intrinsic life values to navigate this big confusing world.\u00a0 Values like self-confidence, integrity, self-control, critical thinking etc and the\u00a0simple awareness that we can\u00a0leave this world a better place\u00a0for all to live in\u00a0if we\u00a0do our part to slow global warming or animal extinction etc\u2026A\u00a0child\u2019s character and world view\u00a0can be easily distorted if we parents lose sight of our priorities and get sucked\u00a0into the ‘rat race’.<\/p>\n

Exposure:<\/strong> Exposure is essential, no parent would argue with that. But the question is ‘how much’ and ‘when’. Certainly at Primary 1 \u2013 the first year of formal schooling would be too premature to have her so much of her time curtailed to a specific activity at the expense of other fun\u00a0experiences and time with friends and family. While some may think we are foolish to give up a place in the school team (and there goes her\u00a0chance at DSA), we believe\u00a0it’s beneficial\u00a0to give our daughter\u00a0the opportunity to try\u00a0a myriad of experiences rather than being ‘pigeon-holed’ so early. With greater exposure comes greater adaptability, courage and resilience. There’s no\u00a0better time to\u00a0allow children\u00a0to discover their interests, strengths and talents than in (lower) Primary when the stresses of national examinations have yet to kick in!<\/p>\n

Empathy:<\/strong> Enrichment sessions are often quite focused.\u00a0Time is money, as far as coaches, tutors and parents are concerned. Therefore time for interaction and socialization\u00a0are kept to the minimum. Moreover, certain enrichment lessons promote a heightened sense of competitiveness. At such a young age, we would like her to interact with people from a diverse range of backgrounds\u00a0that she\u00a0can learn to understand, empathize and articulate.<\/p>\n

As we parent our children, let us remember that theirs\u00a0is primarily a journey\u00a0of self-discovery: to know themselves, their strengths, their abilities, who they really are so that ultimately, they find their happy place in the society. As a Dad,\u00a0I pray with God’s help, I will play my\u00a0rightful\u00a0and\u00a0unbiased\u00a0cards\u00a0right so that my kids\u00a0can discover their strengths in the stars and be the best God has\u00a0called them to be\u2026I’ll end with this\u00a0poem which sums up my thoughts aptly.<\/p>\n

\u201cYour children are not your children<\/em>
\nThey are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.<\/em>
\n They come through you but not from you,<\/em>
\n And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.<\/em>
\n You may give them your love but not your thoughts,<\/em>
\n For they have their own thoughts.<\/em>
\n You may house their bodies but not their souls,<\/em>
\n For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,<\/em>
\n which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.<\/em>
\n You may strive to be like them,<\/em>
\n but seek not to make them like you.<\/em>
\n For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.<\/em>\u201d<\/p>\n

Excerpt by Khalil Gibran<\/p>\n

\"DanaDevotional\"<\/p>\n

Photo Credit<\/a>: God\u2019s Little Princess Bedtime Dev<\/a>o<\/em>tional<\/em> by Sheila Walsh<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

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“Lift up your eyes and look to the heavens: Who created all these? He who brings out the starry host one by one and calls forth each of them by name.\u201d Isaiah 40:26 (NIV) Photo Credit \u201c Daddy, what\u2019s special about me? Do I have talents?\u201d the\u00a0daughter asked. Now that the daughter has started Primary […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_genesis_hide_title":false,"_genesis_hide_breadcrumbs":false,"_genesis_hide_singular_image":false,"_genesis_hide_footer_widgets":false,"_genesis_custom_body_class":"","_genesis_custom_post_class":"","_genesis_layout":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[66,232,62,263,17,282],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p59hHF-3bk","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack-related-posts":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12234"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/5"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=12234"}],"version-history":[{"count":83,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12234\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":12319,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/12234\/revisions\/12319"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=12234"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=12234"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.lifestinymiracles.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=12234"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}